People always ask me about how I got started blogging. I never once thought of being a writer and yet those of you who read this, probably wouldn’t know that. I’ve decided that it’s time to break out the history of how I became the notorious Fleur De Lis SF. When all is said and done these blogs are outlines for a book I plan to write entitled “Erotic Tales of An Erotic Girl.” That book will document everything about this whole crazy year in my life. If you think the blog is telling, just wait until you find out everything I didn’t include to write up at the time of occurrence.
I love writing and I love what I write about. But, believe it or not this blog hasn’t just brought me positive attention. For most of my career I was a paralegal/litigation secretary. I graduated with a B.A. in Political Science with a concentration in pre-law. I went to a prestigious University and I have several letters of recommendations for law school, from professors, attorneys and a Judge. I did all of this using my brain and dedication, and I worked very hard to achieve it.
Being a sex blogger was a total surprise to my life. I had been grooming myself to go to law school and become a family law attorney for as long as I can remember. One thing I did learn how to do is wage mental warfare because that is what being a lawyer is all about. I love the feeling that you get when a jury goes your way, or a settlement springs, due to the fact that the other side knows they are going to lose. It still gets me off thinking about it; I do miss the rush that comes from a good day in court.
When working in the legal arena was my job, I had a very strict policy. I wanted people to listen to me and not look at me. Some of my clients never knew I had long hair, because it was always up. I spent over a decade building a career. All the while, pondering whether or not I should go to law school and really become a lawyer myself. Real life is stranger than fiction and in the legal arena you take a walk into peoples’ lives. At times they tell you more than they tell their priest or best friend. What I found fascinating about the profession is that so much of law is subjective.
A funny thing happened after I started living in San Francisco; I discovered a part of me that I had kept locked away for many years. I don’t know if I wanted to be a lawyer because it inspired me; or simply because I knew I would be good at it. One thing that I understand is human behavior and the law has so much to do with that. Especially, when you are talking about family law, civil law or employment law. When you are in trial for cases like that, very personal aspects of your life get put on display and you have to defend who you are and what you believe in.
This blog was a fluke quite honestly. In the very beginning it was something fun to do and I never assumed I would continue with it. When I started writing it I was living two lives. I was a paralegal by day and by night I was Fleur De Lis SF. When I first started posting pictures I made sure that I was not too recognizable, because I feared my employer seeing them. I feared that due to the subject matter I was writing about, I could potentially get fired for it. There is something so incendiary about sex and sexuality that people can react in the strangest ways.
What I discovered after a few months of writing, was that this blog was not a fluke at all. It was the first time in my life that I was truly happy working. In the process I discovered I WAS a “writer”. I built an audience in a relatively short amount of time. The San Francisco Bay Guardian named me San Francisco’s Sluttiest Blogger for 2010. Mind you this happened a little over a month of my starting this little project. I found a job that absolutely enthralled every part of my senses. I discovered parts of myself that I did not even know I had. All of these crazy experiences have had a huge effect on my life. This experiment of mine to spend a year of my life immersed in the hedonistic, pagan, sexual city of San Francisco was one of the best I have ever made. Essentially Ive spent a year being a very naughty girl!
What most people don’t know is that this blog is indeed an experiment. I was almost a psychology major; people and their interactions are fascinating to observe. I wanted to find out what happens when you spend a year doing exactly what you want to do sexually. My intention is to experience everything San Francisco has to offer in terms of its sexual sub-culture. What I realized is that it is so vast and has so many facets…..It was going to be awhile. I went to the Folsom Street Fair, Kinky Salon, The Armory, Craigslist, I interviewed many sex workers, was interviewed on the radio, and have had some of the best sex of my life.
What I also found was a wonderful set of really sexy people. The sexual sub-culture in SF is not just tawdry and sexy, but it is indeed a community. A lot in SF, is community based, and this community too, is a place where we love each other and we protect one another. There are numerous places locally that work on getting sex positivity out in a way to allow people to feel less shameful about sex. Since Ive started this blog, people have confessed to me their dirtiest darkest secrets. It’s cathartic to finally be able to tell someone who you are, without being afraid of rejection or horror. It is a double edged sword though I will tell you that.
While I am not ashamed of what I have done, there have been consequences. When you put yourself out there for the world to view; good and bad things can come of it. Beyond the stalkers and creeps who dont play healthy, there is constant skepticism or criticism. A journalism student recently criticized the fact that I change the names of my subjects. http://underblogsf.wordpress.com/2011/02/10/breaking-the-ice-2/ I change the names of the people I write about, to protect them, because the world is not a tolerant place. That is the reason porn stars change their names. Anyone who works in the sex industry understands the potential backlash from such exposure. If you are a parent you could lose your children. If your employer were to find out, you could be fired. We are taught as Americans that sex is wrong, taboo, shameful; and if you are open with it or god forbid, work with it in anyway, you can face serious consequences. I admit that writing this blog has been hard on my life as well. I have experienced opposition, been scrutinized and punished in my other career goals, and have lost relationships with people who dont accept my decisions.
Almost every person I know who is kinky and in the open about it has had some troubles. From being fired, to being shunned by family or even being arrested. A friend of mine has had difficulties with other parents at the school that her children attend, because the parents discovered she was an erotic artist. Another friend of mine told me that she was called a whore and fired from a job because they found out she was sexually liberated. Another person I know who produces porn films had a similar problem. He has a wife and two kids and when the neighbors
in suburbia found out how he made his living, oh an uproar they had.
When sex is involved in how you make your living, people really have a hard time accepting it socially. We are so geared as a society to repress sex, even if it is just conversation of sex. We are not taught to be open, or have alternative sexual lifestyles, what would people think? Why is it that people assume if you are sexual and open, that you must also be deviant and a sicko? I know people who have hidden every kinky thing about themselves from their respective others. After writing this blog for six months now, I’ve discovered that the more outspoken you are about being affiliated with sex, the more bullshit you must battle through.
I can’t count how many men have confessed to me that they lie to their partners. This is usually either about what they want sexually, (due to fear of rejection), or, they just cheat on their partner, so that they can experience what they want without having to admit it aloud. Women on the other hand are told to repress their sexual feelings because they don’t want to be “that kind of girl”. Women are taught from an early age, that if you are branded as sexual, then no man will ever respect you. Consider the old expression, “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”
First of all that statement is so completely fucked up for a variety of reasons. Women are taught that if we do not have a boyfriend or husband then something is wrong with us. We are taught that our worth doesn’t come from a career or an education but from the family we create with a husband. Men and women are both given impossible expectations to live up to. Due to that secret sexual behavior exists. This blog was supposed to exist for a year and I admit it is starting to wear on me. While I have loved all of my experiences…………….there are some that were not very pleasant at all. I hope to be able to finish this year off and not lose the part of myself who isn’t Fleur De Lis SF. To that young naive journalism student who thinks that privacy is unimportant she will have a hard time with her career. When you write about people you play with their lives and unfortunately it is a powerful weapon. This blog has taken some guts to continue, as it constantly pushes my life and face into public association with potentially harmful consequences and scrutiny.
For all of the fans and people that cheer me on, there is a handful of hateful, shame filled folks who think I am an absolute disgrace. I refuse for anyone to make me feel ashamed about anything I have done. I write this blog for a purpose and that is to let women know it’s ok to be sexual. It is ok to want to fuck, it’s ok to be promiscuous, it’s ok to experiment and find out what gets you off. No matter how far we have gone in the women’s liberation movement, it is still more acceptable for men to be sexual than women.
Look at all the politicians, musicians, athletes and actors who never get in any real trouble for the sexcapades they find themselves in. Boys will be boys right? But, if you are a woman and you want to get down and dirty………woaahhh slow down that is not acceptable. Women are not supposed to be as sexual as men; we are not wired the same way, right? Wrong! If a woman is sexually liberated, people assume she’s damaged or defective in some way. They call you names like slut, whore, tramp, floozy, etc. The world would be a better place if everyone realized that people like to fuck. Period, end of story. Men, women, old people and young people. Sex is one of the greatest pleasures we have and it’s our bodies that create it. Its natural! Biological! Invented by creation, not me! Why on earth would anyone be ashamed of that?
Personally, I love my stories. Before I wrote a blog I used to tell them in private. Fuck I am proud of my sex life. I can say that I lived. Also, I was taught to challenge the system and stand up for what I believe in. My father used to tell me that he really respected Madonna. He used to say: “no matter what people say about Madonna, the woman is brilliant and she knows how to market herself, she knows what she wants.” My Dad always taught me to fight for my rights and to never let anyone treat me differently for being a woman.
People always say that I am brave to do these things and their eyes widen when I speak of my adventures. It is not that I am brave; it is that I really don’t see anything wrong with trying things out. If I had not started this blog I would have never had a session with a Dominatrix, or been to the Armory as much as I have and I wouldn’t
have been suspended by Bus Driver. I think that every person should take a year off to do something that they believe in or desire-whatever it is. We are so bogged down with what we are supposed to do; we don’t just go against the grain and live our life.
I can safely say that all of these experiences are ones that I will carry with me for the rest of my life. San Francisco really does encourage you to be who you are. This city is remarkable and there is a reason so many people migrate here. I am finding more and more that what people seek more than anything is acceptance. Living here makes me feel accepted and welcome. If you take anything away from this blog take away this; live your life on your own terms, because no one knows what happens with these fading opportunities when we die. I want to know that I’ve spent this life of mine very much alive. There is no shame, only curiosity, diversity, and fulfillment. Delve into your souls and find out what makes you happy, and do it more. Be good to yourselves and be BRAVE!!!!